Why would God ever want pay attention to the poor spirited, sick child like me? There are things in my life that I never thought I would face. I feel I have given up on being the being the loved, the artistic and the employed. Why when nobody in the world seems to want to give me a job or even care of the gifts or talents I could share with the world, should I want to share them? In my time of struggle and need I am looking forward to a few days with my friends. It will be a heartwrenching goodbye again but I need them more than they could possibly know. I need their love and encouragement. I need them to see that there is something out there that makes me happy. I know there is a place where God wants me to be where He has friends for me to fellowship with and I know He has a job for me where I will be accepted despite all my health problems and faults. I await anxiously in prayer for a sign of where I am to be. Given the time it is 6am and I have yet to be truly asleep cuz my mind was just flying with all the different things that aren't right with my world. I needed to sit here and read what others had to say about how they are dealing with what the world is throwing at them. I read a friend of mine's blog and they talk of cliff diving and praying that God protect them and give them the experiences that make life worth living and how they made it through the ordeal after diving from a high spot for the first time ever cliff diving. He talked about the pain but how he jumped with a smile on his face because he knew that his God was going to save him. His ultimate Savior his never leaving friend. He talked about how he was in the pits of his own misery and decided to pick up the good word (the Bible) and read it and how he chose to not settle in for another day of sitting alone and working on his career but how he was going out with friends to experience what life had to offer. He is an artist of sorts and decided that the only thing that would keep him inspired was to actually live life. He didn't want to be his own person as to doing whatever he pleased but he wanted to do what God wanted for his life. Thats the life he wanted to live and be inspired by. After I read my friends blog I read my sister in law's blog. She talked of how being busy with her new career and very much taken over her time with her family and with God. She talked about how she needed manage her time and spend time with God and her family and her career. She talked of how it wasn't easy and how everybody seemed to have been pitching in to save her from all the things that she had been neglecting. A couple months ago now I made the heart wrenching decision to leave my youth group that I had been working with. It was a tough decison but as I did not know what I was doing with my life at the time and somewhat felt disconnected from anything and everything that I needed for myself, I didn't feel that I could be the leader those teens truly needed. I really do believe that my separating myself from the group in ways did help them. I still visit with them sometimes and enjoy getting to chat with them and learn if there has been anything new going on in their lives. I feel I can be a better friend without being their leader. I feel free to go to other churches and find a place where I can be fed. Though the past month it seems I have not done that. Once I return from Christmas vacation I shall continue on my search for friendship and a place to belong. Hopefully during this vacation I will find the strength I need to keep fighting, to keep serving, and to live my life according to what God wants me to do. For it is for Him that this holiday is made. May we never forget that CHRIST is the meaning of CHRISTmas. "For unto us a child is born for unto us a son is given and his name shall be called Emmanuel" All I ask is that everybody pray for me. I need to feel the prayers of everybody around me. I need the encouragement. Thank you to all who have been praying for me already. Your prayer support means the world to me.
Tryin to follow His will,
Kendra
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