Giving things their rightful place

In my life there have been many disappointments and many times I have given up.
Why would God ever want pay attention to the poor spirited, sick child like me? There are things in my life that I never thought I would face. I feel I have given up on being the being the loved, the artistic and the employed. Why when nobody in the world seems to want to give me a job or even care of the gifts or talents I could share with the world, should I want to share them? In my time of struggle and need I am looking forward to a few days with my friends. It will be a heartwrenching goodbye again but I need them more than they could possibly know. I need their love and encouragement. I need them to see that there is something out there that makes me happy. I know there is a place where God wants me to be where He has friends for me to fellowship with and I know He has a job for me where I will be accepted despite all my health problems and faults. I await anxiously in prayer for a sign of where I am to be. Given the time it is 6am and I have yet to be truly asleep cuz my mind was just flying with all the different things that aren't right with my world. I needed to sit here and read what others had to say about how they are dealing with what the world is throwing at them. I read a friend of mine's blog and they talk of cliff diving and praying that God protect them and give them the experiences that make life worth living and how they made it through the ordeal after diving from a high spot for the first time ever cliff diving. He talked about the pain but how he jumped with a smile on his face because he knew that his God was going to save him. His ultimate Savior his never leaving friend. He talked about how he was in the pits of his own misery and decided to pick up the good word (the Bible) and read it and how he chose to not settle in for another day of sitting alone and working on his career but how he was going out with friends to experience what life had to offer. He is an artist of sorts and decided that the only thing that would keep him inspired was to actually live life. He didn't want to be his own person as to doing whatever he pleased but he wanted to do what God wanted for his life. Thats the life he wanted to live and be inspired by. After I read my friends blog I read my sister in law's blog. She talked of how being busy with her new career and very much taken over her time with her family and with God. She talked about how she needed manage her time and spend time with God and her family and her career. She talked of how it wasn't easy and how everybody seemed to have been pitching in to save her from all the things that she had been neglecting. A couple months ago now I made the heart wrenching decision to leave my youth group that I had been working with. It was a tough decison but as I did not know what I was doing with my life at the time and somewhat felt disconnected from anything and everything that I needed for myself, I didn't feel that I could be the leader those teens truly needed. I really do believe that my separating myself from the group in ways did help them. I still visit with them sometimes and enjoy getting to chat with them and learn if there has been anything new going on in their lives. I feel I can be a better friend without being their leader. I feel free to go to other churches and find a place where I can be fed. Though the past month it seems I have not done that. Once I return from Christmas vacation I shall continue on my search for friendship and a place to belong. Hopefully during this vacation I will find the strength I need to keep fighting, to keep serving, and to live my life according to what God wants me to do. For it is for Him that this holiday is made. May we never forget that CHRIST is the meaning of CHRISTmas. "For unto us a child is born for unto us a son is given and his name shall be called Emmanuel" All I ask is that everybody pray for me. I need to feel the prayers of everybody around me. I need the encouragement. Thank you to all who have been praying for me already. Your prayer support means the world to me.

Tryin to follow His will,
Kendra

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Resolutions

The holidays are over and the new year has begun. So many different people making different resolutions all over the world. Why do we make resolutions? What good are resolutions when most of us never even make it through the first week of keeping them? When making our new year resolutions we never think reasonably on how difficult it will be to actually keep our resolutions. If we did we probably would never make them. Why break another promise to ourselves? All though I feel quite strongly about resolutions I do have a few.

My first resolution of the new year is: To learn all that I can
Ok so I have been in school forever and I have decided that its just not for me. I will continue my education through other means. I am working with youth right now getting experience in my field. Let me tell you the experience is amazing! I never thought working with 5 teenage girls would be so complicated. It frightens me to think what would happen if God would have thrown me to the wolves of a big group right off the bat. Thank you God for knowing what I need a lot faster and better than I do.

My second resolution is the resolution of a lot of Americans: I want to lose weight!
Do not tell me that those who resolve to lose weight never do. I am very clear on the reality of my weight loss adventures. I also will be starting new medications that are supposed to help me lose some of the weight that one of my medications supposedly started helping me gain. *crosses my fingers* heres hoping! Now that I live in FL the idea of a walk outside with my dog Marty isn't quite so difficult to comprehend in the beginning of January! It is warm here and we can be outside and enjoy a nice walk through the neighborhood or go to a camp ground that my parents work at and walk it and talk to my friends that live over there. My dog doesn't like to go for long walks and neither do I but even a short walk everyday will help me make my way to a better me.

My third new years resolution is: To get a job
With the economy the way it is in many places it is difficult to find a job that will give a person exactly what they need. With the lack of a job and the lack of health insurance all my medical problems will be very difficult to deal with. Finding a job that will give me the time off that I need to continue working with my youth and give me health benefits is nearly impossible to find now adays. But I will keep looking. God will lead me to the place he wants me to be at this time in my life I have faith.

A lot of illness and struggles have started off the year 2009 for me. My best friends mother went into the hospital on New Years Eve, one of my teens fathers had surgery a few days after the new year began, I lost my health insurance, what a way to start a new year right? I am trying to not let all this frustration bother me. I am trying to stay a faithful believer in the miracles of God and let him deal with all the fear and anxiety I feel over all these different situations in my life. I know that God can heal the sick and wounded. I know that God can guide me to the perfect job. I know that God will not let me fall into a big pit where I won't be able to get myself out for years to come. He has worked many different miracles in my life in the past and I have faith that He will continue His blessings upon my life as He sees fit.

I hope all that read this will be inspired to hold on despite the struggles. I hope that at least one person can learn something new from the words that I have shared. Though it is a personal experience there is power in the strong loving hands of God that can bless even the most lost soul out there. If you don't have a church that you attend regularly find one. Church fellowship is a great encourager especially for the suffering. Just the few people who know about my situation that have been praying for me have lifted me up far beyond my expectations. They have been a great help to keeping me believing and keeping me looking forward to a future that shines brighter than the morning sun. If I keep trusting in God and believing that He can save me from all my pain and frustrations and believing that He can heal the sick and wounded, then He will continue to believe in me and answering my prayers in His perfect timing.

Happy New Year!