Giving things their rightful place

In my life there have been many disappointments and many times I have given up.
Why would God ever want pay attention to the poor spirited, sick child like me? There are things in my life that I never thought I would face. I feel I have given up on being the being the loved, the artistic and the employed. Why when nobody in the world seems to want to give me a job or even care of the gifts or talents I could share with the world, should I want to share them? In my time of struggle and need I am looking forward to a few days with my friends. It will be a heartwrenching goodbye again but I need them more than they could possibly know. I need their love and encouragement. I need them to see that there is something out there that makes me happy. I know there is a place where God wants me to be where He has friends for me to fellowship with and I know He has a job for me where I will be accepted despite all my health problems and faults. I await anxiously in prayer for a sign of where I am to be. Given the time it is 6am and I have yet to be truly asleep cuz my mind was just flying with all the different things that aren't right with my world. I needed to sit here and read what others had to say about how they are dealing with what the world is throwing at them. I read a friend of mine's blog and they talk of cliff diving and praying that God protect them and give them the experiences that make life worth living and how they made it through the ordeal after diving from a high spot for the first time ever cliff diving. He talked about the pain but how he jumped with a smile on his face because he knew that his God was going to save him. His ultimate Savior his never leaving friend. He talked about how he was in the pits of his own misery and decided to pick up the good word (the Bible) and read it and how he chose to not settle in for another day of sitting alone and working on his career but how he was going out with friends to experience what life had to offer. He is an artist of sorts and decided that the only thing that would keep him inspired was to actually live life. He didn't want to be his own person as to doing whatever he pleased but he wanted to do what God wanted for his life. Thats the life he wanted to live and be inspired by. After I read my friends blog I read my sister in law's blog. She talked of how being busy with her new career and very much taken over her time with her family and with God. She talked about how she needed manage her time and spend time with God and her family and her career. She talked of how it wasn't easy and how everybody seemed to have been pitching in to save her from all the things that she had been neglecting. A couple months ago now I made the heart wrenching decision to leave my youth group that I had been working with. It was a tough decison but as I did not know what I was doing with my life at the time and somewhat felt disconnected from anything and everything that I needed for myself, I didn't feel that I could be the leader those teens truly needed. I really do believe that my separating myself from the group in ways did help them. I still visit with them sometimes and enjoy getting to chat with them and learn if there has been anything new going on in their lives. I feel I can be a better friend without being their leader. I feel free to go to other churches and find a place where I can be fed. Though the past month it seems I have not done that. Once I return from Christmas vacation I shall continue on my search for friendship and a place to belong. Hopefully during this vacation I will find the strength I need to keep fighting, to keep serving, and to live my life according to what God wants me to do. For it is for Him that this holiday is made. May we never forget that CHRIST is the meaning of CHRISTmas. "For unto us a child is born for unto us a son is given and his name shall be called Emmanuel" All I ask is that everybody pray for me. I need to feel the prayers of everybody around me. I need the encouragement. Thank you to all who have been praying for me already. Your prayer support means the world to me.

Tryin to follow His will,
Kendra

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Deep thoughts

What is the deal with endless pain and suffering? I don't believe that it was meant to be this way by any means whatsoever. I believe that God wants us to come to Him believing that He can and will take it away. As Christians we say that we are giving it all to God and yet sometimes we're really still holding on because He isn't working fast enough for us. God never said He was going to work on our time schedule but yet we still expect it. We have come to the age where everything is fast and easy. Then we look at our lives and wonder why its not the same way. I have just recently given up my youth leading duties to go and find something I need. Friendship. I have friends at the church I led youth at and I am eternally greatful for all their help and understanding in this rough patch in my life. There was nobody in my age group in that church making it somewhat hard to make any close friends that I could hang out with. You can only get so close to the youth that you are leading. Today I went Baptist. I've grown up Nazarene so it wasn't a big leap. There were things that I saw in that church that I recognized from when I was still in Illinois. It was a contemporary service so there were a lot of younger people and contemporary music. The sermon was really good the pastor was very open and honest about his short comings. He was very down to earth about everything he said. He is doing a sermon series on being stuck. As if you are being stuck in a rut. His sermon was very good. Because even being a Christian and feeling close to God we all get stuck and feel we can't get out. We start giving up hope that we will be able to get through it. There were 3 R's in his sermon today they were
1. Revelation: God will show up in places He's supposed to be so don't be surprised when He does. God is BIG enough for even your SMALLEST problem. If he can heal the blind, give hearing to those who can't hear and raise the dead he is powerful to heal whatever is ailing you.
2. Repentance: Try seeing things the way that God sees them. You'll see how tiny your problem really is. Be honest with yourself. Stop telling yourself that everything is ok and search for what you need to fix the problem.
3. Restoration: All the brokeness can be healed. God gave a sacrifice for us so that our sins would be wiped away. His sacrifice has freed us to begin anew and move on with our lives. God's power can give us the boost we need to move mountains. God will do anything it takes for us to be unstuck in our rut. He wants to save our lives because we are His children. He is the only one who can completely heal our broken hearts. He can heal those who experience loss, the ones who feel their marriages are over, He can heal the breaking marriage and glue it back together with a simple word. He says it it will be done. But as Christians we tend to believe that He's not there he doesn't care. No matter what he's done for us in the past when we are in the rut we feel He's left us behind. He will never leave us or forsake us. He will always be with us in the worst of times and the best of times. We just have to be open to what He has to say. We have to wait in His perfect timing.

My prayer right now is that the broken will be healed. The hurt will disappear and that God reigns supreme in every heart. May there be no need for broken hearts or pain. I pray that God will speak to the closed ears and hearts like only He can. May he erase the doubts and the fears so that we may all be happy and successful in everything we do. May we all be open minded and open hearted to the possibilities that he has waiting for us.

Mandisa sings a song called "He is with you" these are the lyrics to the song. I feel it fits with this post. It talks about His timing and His being there to get us through.

There's a time to live and a time to die theres a time to laugh and a time to cry
Theres a time for war and a time for peace theres a hand to hold in the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead and you can't even get out of bed or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore.He is with you when your babys gone and your house is still and your heart is stone and you cry God what you do that for? He is with you

Theres a time for yes and a time for no. Theres a time to be angry and a time to let it go.
Theres a time to run and a time to face it. There is love to see you through all of this

He is with you in the conference room, when the world is coming down on you, and your wife and kids don't know you anymore. He is with you in the ICU when the doctors don't know what to do
and it scares you to the core. He is with you.

We may weep for a time.
But Joy will come in the morning the morning light.

He is with you when your kids are grown when theres too much space and you feel alone
and you worry if you got it right or wrong
He is with you when you've given up on ever finding your true love someone who feels like home he is with you
when nothing else is left and you take your final breath
He is with you. He is with you

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Things that boggle the mind

Why is it that as Americans we have become so very acceptable to things that our ancestors before us never would have agreed to. For example, abortion. Back in the day when that kind of technology wasn't available they wouldn't have ever considered killing an unborn child. What made us feel that we could abort a child because it was an accident. A child is not an accident a child is a gift of God. I don't believe that there is really ever a reason to abort a baby. Partial birth abortions are cruel and unjust and anyone who would consider such a thing must be cold hearted. I don't mean to be cruel and judgemental because its not my job to judge the people of the world. It is only in my opinion that I feel so strongly. I don't believe that God would want someone to abort a baby that He had personally placed with that mother but who am I to know the mind of God? Just from reading His word that is what I get from His writings.

Another thing that I don't understand is why someone would choose to be a homosexual. I have many male friends who are gay. I love them all very much. I do not agree with their lifestyle but I still love them for who they are. They all know that I stand against their lifestyle. The point is I can still be their friend though I do not agree with them. Many people have shunned their friends for their choices to be homosexuals. They are the same person they just have a different view on who should be together in relationships. Instead of pushing them away for their choices I believe we should pull them closer and pray for them. The Bible being God's word can't state any clearer that homosexuality is wrong. God destroyed sadam and Gamora for its acts of homosexuality and prostitution. What makes us think that we now have the choice to live that life? Some studies show that homosexuality is not a choice. I'm sorry but that has never been proven. I've also heard the excuse that "God made me gay" I don't believe that to be true either considering His word states that it is wrong. Why would he create you to live the sinful life by anything other than your choosing?

These are just two of the many things I have had on my mind that the United States of America is dealing with right now. There are many more things I do not understand that I might post my thoughts on later. But until then pray for those you know that might be considering abortion or homosexuality. They need your prayers now more than ever. God wants us to reach the world. We can do that just by reaching the ones that are closest to us. If we reach the ones we love they will reach out to others. Lets start the dominoe affect for Jesus shall we?

Oh For The love of being busy!

Things are gonna be crazy within the next few weeks! This coming weekend for my 26th birthday (ugh) I will be going to Disney World. Yes thats right 26th birthday is at Disney! I love Goofy and want to chill with him for a while on my birthday. So the best parents ever are taking me to Disney so I can see Goofy on my birthday. I would like to give a shout out to one of the most awesome nephews in the world who I just happen to share a birthday with! Happy Birthday (in a few days) Brian Jr! I love you!

The next weekend one of my bestest friends has invited me to Mississippi! So I will be wingin my way to Missippi to go to a rodeo and meet her family for the first time. I'm a bit nervous since I've never been to Mississippi before. A whole new land a whole new experience not to mention I've never been to a rodeo before! I will be leaving Feb 6 and be gone till the 9th!

The weekend after that I will be doing my 2nd youth service! I'm nervous and excited because yet again last minute plans are being made. I can not find my drama books that I used back in Illinois! I need my skit that I had my service based around! Not to mention my dear youth minister friend Randy who has done the skit with me is also looking for it! I hope I find it for both of our sake!

I will be doing a Spaghetti dinner on Feb. 20th at 6pm as a fundraiser for my wonderful youth group! I love my girls very much. They make life fascinating and busy! I can hardly wait for April when there will be 4 days full of sleeplessness for TNT!

The last weekend of February my Aunt Karen and Uncle Keith will be blessing us with their presence! I can't wait to see them. Who knows what will happen the weekend they are here!

As you can see things are going to be insane! I am determined to get some rest along the way though. Keep me and my youth group in your prayers as we are working hard to get $300/person to get to TNT @TNU!

Follow your dreams!
Kendy

Resolutions

The holidays are over and the new year has begun. So many different people making different resolutions all over the world. Why do we make resolutions? What good are resolutions when most of us never even make it through the first week of keeping them? When making our new year resolutions we never think reasonably on how difficult it will be to actually keep our resolutions. If we did we probably would never make them. Why break another promise to ourselves? All though I feel quite strongly about resolutions I do have a few.

My first resolution of the new year is: To learn all that I can
Ok so I have been in school forever and I have decided that its just not for me. I will continue my education through other means. I am working with youth right now getting experience in my field. Let me tell you the experience is amazing! I never thought working with 5 teenage girls would be so complicated. It frightens me to think what would happen if God would have thrown me to the wolves of a big group right off the bat. Thank you God for knowing what I need a lot faster and better than I do.

My second resolution is the resolution of a lot of Americans: I want to lose weight!
Do not tell me that those who resolve to lose weight never do. I am very clear on the reality of my weight loss adventures. I also will be starting new medications that are supposed to help me lose some of the weight that one of my medications supposedly started helping me gain. *crosses my fingers* heres hoping! Now that I live in FL the idea of a walk outside with my dog Marty isn't quite so difficult to comprehend in the beginning of January! It is warm here and we can be outside and enjoy a nice walk through the neighborhood or go to a camp ground that my parents work at and walk it and talk to my friends that live over there. My dog doesn't like to go for long walks and neither do I but even a short walk everyday will help me make my way to a better me.

My third new years resolution is: To get a job
With the economy the way it is in many places it is difficult to find a job that will give a person exactly what they need. With the lack of a job and the lack of health insurance all my medical problems will be very difficult to deal with. Finding a job that will give me the time off that I need to continue working with my youth and give me health benefits is nearly impossible to find now adays. But I will keep looking. God will lead me to the place he wants me to be at this time in my life I have faith.

A lot of illness and struggles have started off the year 2009 for me. My best friends mother went into the hospital on New Years Eve, one of my teens fathers had surgery a few days after the new year began, I lost my health insurance, what a way to start a new year right? I am trying to not let all this frustration bother me. I am trying to stay a faithful believer in the miracles of God and let him deal with all the fear and anxiety I feel over all these different situations in my life. I know that God can heal the sick and wounded. I know that God can guide me to the perfect job. I know that God will not let me fall into a big pit where I won't be able to get myself out for years to come. He has worked many different miracles in my life in the past and I have faith that He will continue His blessings upon my life as He sees fit.

I hope all that read this will be inspired to hold on despite the struggles. I hope that at least one person can learn something new from the words that I have shared. Though it is a personal experience there is power in the strong loving hands of God that can bless even the most lost soul out there. If you don't have a church that you attend regularly find one. Church fellowship is a great encourager especially for the suffering. Just the few people who know about my situation that have been praying for me have lifted me up far beyond my expectations. They have been a great help to keeping me believing and keeping me looking forward to a future that shines brighter than the morning sun. If I keep trusting in God and believing that He can save me from all my pain and frustrations and believing that He can heal the sick and wounded, then He will continue to believe in me and answering my prayers in His perfect timing.

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas!

Have you ever noticed that very few people ever say the words Merry Christmas anymore? All buisnesses are being told they need to say Happy Holidays and spell x-mas instead of Christmas on their signs. I realize there are many different cultures in the melting pot of the United States but why must we change our beliefs that our country was based on to support those who migrated into our great country? There has been differnt cultures in our country for many years now. Why all the sudden is there such a rush to get Christ out of the Christmas season?

There is a rush to take Christ out of so much in this world. Our government is trying to take it out of our pledge. They want to remove God from our currency, pretty soon religious freedom will be removed from our country all together. We as a Christian based country need to stand for our rights to be Christians.

David Archuletta rocks out in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade! Singing his first single "Crush" for the world to hear as he rides along on a float. This boy has a voice of an angel! I have heard his whole album and enjoy it very much! Crush is by far one of my favorite songs from the album. Archie is going to go far in this buisness. Congratulations Archie on your Macy's Parade Success! Hope there are many more awesome experiences for you!

David Cook sang at the tree lighting for Rockefellar center in New York. He sang "Happy Christmas" and melted the hearts of people around the world. His clear voice and the soul he puts into his music made that moment with David Cook peaceful and priceless. Cooks new album also came out recently and I have yet to hear all of it! I can't wait till Christmas to see if "Santa" brings it to me. David Cook deserved the win of American Idol. He sings with his heart and it shows in his music. Keep it up David! I love the new Single "Light On" It is so catchy I find myself singing it to myself throughout the day.


tootles!